Reflections
by PrehistoricCat
Summary: After her debrief interview, Abby reflects on what has happened.  Contains spoilers for series 4 ep 2


**Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended**

**A/N: Just a short fic, focussing on Abby's thoughts in series 4 ep 2... I'm sensing a different Abby this series, deeper thinking and angsty ... interesting to write. Comments welcomed as always!**

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"_It's an incredible feat of endurance."_ Matt's words echoed around Abby's head as she tried to sleep. It certainly didn't feel incredible; that was the last adjective she'd use to describe her experience in the Cretaceous. "Terrifying" would have been more appropriate.

She'd responded to his comment with "We kept each other alive somehow." That's what it had been about, it wasn't some endurance test; a rite of passage like Matt seemed to be comparing it to. It had been simply a case of 'survive or die' and nothing else.

She closed her eyes and rolled onto her side, turning her back to Connor who had been asleep for some time already. Now that they both had their jobs backs, he seemed less restless and had actually relaxed enough to fall asleep as they quietly talked. Sleep wasn't going to come so quickly for her though. All she wanted to do was forget and move on, but her thoughts wouldn't let her.

The light from the street lamp outside seemed as bright as day, even though it was only just seeping through the crack in the curtains. After a year sleeping in the pitch dark, artificial light seemed strange. She opened her eyes again, giving up on trying to sleep and deciding to just listen to the comforting sound of Connor's breathing beside her. She recalled how she'd spent many nights listening to that sound when it was her turn to keep watch; it meant Connor was still alive, and whilst she had that it made her own survival seem worthwhile. "We kept each other alive somehow" meant more than just watching each other's backs and making sure they had food and water.

Connor murmured in his sleep, and Abby knew straight away what it was. She rolled over to face him and saw an all too familiar sight; his usually calm face was tense and twisted – he was having a nightmare. Sometimes, this was as bad as it got, so she waited for a moment. Then he shouted out her name and his body jerked. She pressed herself against him, circling his waist with her arm. "Shhh, it's OK." she whispered. "I'm here." His body was clammy with sweat; he hadn't had one as bad as this for a while, and she suspected that his debrief interview with Matt had stirred up his mind like it had hers; he just dealt with it in a different way.

After a few minutes of just holding him, Abby felt his body become less tense and his breathing became regular again. The nightmare had passed and he was sleeping properly again. He'd never shared the contents of his nightmares with her, but she could guess. The same things had kept her awake too. The first time they'd made love had been a night just like this one; with Abby unable to sleep and Connor having a bad dream. He'd suddenly sat up screaming and sobbing and it had woken him. It was about a month after they'd first become trapped, and they just sat there in the darkness holding each other tightly allowing the tears to fall. Abby had found herself wanting - no, needing – more, and seeking his lips with hers. He had needed it too, and when he finally moved inside her it felt like they had been together forever and this was the most natural thing in the world for them to be doing.

There was no doubt that it was Connor that had kept her sane and from completely giving up. In turn, she had kept Connor's feet on the ground and dragged him back to reality when she could see him heading for a fall. Sometimes she had to send him off on his own to catch fish, just to get him out of her hair for a while whilst she had a moment to compose herself again.

Then something else Matt had said came into her head. _"Nobody else has seen the world like that, in it's purest form."_ That was true; the world she and Connor had been living in for the last year was completely untouched by humans until they arrived. The air had been completely pollution free, and it had taken them a few days to get used to it. It had made Abby feel light headed at first, and Connor had a constant headache – although Abby did tease him that that could be something to do with the fact he had fallen out of tree and knocked himself unconscious.

Abby had marvelled at the variety of plants and creatures, and she and Connor had spent hours just watching nature at work. It was peaceful at times like that, and they had just held hands ; appreciating every moment they were alive. Sometimes Abby thought that maybe Helen Cutter had the right idea; human interference had destroyed landscapes like this and polluted the air; creatures had become extinct and it could be argued that some humans were more terrifying than any predator they would encounter out here. At least the creatures were just acting on a primeval instinct – what excuse did murders and rapists have?

She felt Connor move next to her and his arm slipped around her waist as he pressed himself against her back. She relaxed into him, his warm breath in her hair made her feel secure. He was close; protecting and comforting her just as he had done in the Cretaceous without even realising it. That was what they'd become – two people who just instinctively knew what the other was feeling.

Tiredness finally overwhelmed her; her eyelids grew heavy and her mind focussed purely on needing to rest and unwind. She could now. She didn't need to keep watch. They were safe and together – it was all she needed.


End file.
